It has been too long.

Well, well, well!  It has been over a year since I updated.  Oh my gosh, I just went to double check and it's been over TWO YEARS!!!  What was I doing with myself?  Oh....just gestating a couple of the cutest kiddos ever!!  Okay, in all fairness, I better say two out of 11 of the cutest kids ever!  I know that on my last entry, I was sure that I was done.  And I was.  Until I wasn't...lol.  I delivered in December 2016 and after I deliver I always try to take a surro breather.  It seems like when you're in it, you are IN IT.  You sleep, eat, and breathe surrogacy.  I mean, you still live your life, but you are consumed with meds then transfer and pee tests and it's not only you, you are in a group of other surros, and you are invested.  You want every single surro to be successful, you want their intended parents dreams to come true, and you want to do it together.  So after my couple month breather, I was feeling curious, and decided to check out SMO.  SMO is a group that was very active back in 2010 when I first learned of surrogacy.  It's not widely used now, but they do host a classifieds section that is still active.  I happened upon an ad that intrigued me.  Not for me, but they mentioned they were in Illinois, and I couldn't help but to think that maybe their perfect surro was hanging out in Indiana and I needed them to know about our Indiana Surro Group! So I reached out and let them know about FB and the endless amount of surro and parent groups just waiting to be explored.  I won't tell you how many people told me that I would end up carrying for them.  I promptly let them all know that they were crazy.  I liked them so much and wanted so badly for them to be parents.  I won't disclose the heartbreak and details of their infertility journey, just know that you don't end up at surrogacy unless you have tried and tried and tried some more to do the one thing that every woman is meant and expected to do.  Life sucks and fertility was not distributed amongst our world fairly.  We ended up meeting at a surro/IP breakfast that was planned for one of the larger surro groups.  There are three moderators of the group and none of us had ever met in person before.  Long story short, one of the mods was actually attending a hospital tour for his surro and it was the perfect excuse to get together.  So we had a private dinner the evening before and then decided to invite the entire group for breakfast the next morning.  The parents were so sweet.  Amazing parents before their little babies were even born.  At this point I am pretty sure they were headed to meet up with a potential surro and it didn't go as planned.  We kept in touch over the next couple of months and things just didn't seem to be working out with any of their potential surro candidates for one reason or another.  So one night, I looked at Nick and said I am going to offer.  He said, "do it babe". I was like really thinking to myself....ummm no!  You were supposed to be on my side and tell me I am crazy and absolutely no way.  But he didn't.  He said do what you want.  And so after about 3 minutes of going back and forth, I did it.  I emailed and said that I was old.  That I was used.  That I was overweight.  Basically I laid out every reason why I thought I wouldn't be their perfect surro but that if their RE would clear me and if they even wanted to that I would be willing to give it a go.  Then crickets.  I laugh about this because during this time, I would tell Nick that it was okay if they said no.  Or if their RE said no.  I'm not really sure who I was telling more- me or him.  It's all going to be okay Laura!  I mean but who doesn't want to be picked?  Choose me.  Pick me.  Love me.  Ok ok it wasn't that dramatic.  The mom sent me a questionnaire that I filled out.  She talked to her RE about me.  She finally let me know that she wanted to move forward.  So we see the RE, get our meds ordered, pick a date, wait, wait some more, and then we transfer.  January 16, 2018.  Now if you are a surro, you know what comes next.  You pee on sticks.  You might even test every time you pee.  You analyze every test in every light with every filter that exists.  You might use 100 or even 300 tests in the next month. Okay, 300 might be a bit much.  But our first positive was on 3dp5dt.  Now they know I was testing but they don't want to know results. They want to wait until beta.  The blood test.  It was scheduled so far away at 9dp5dt but since that fell on a Saturday, we were able to sneak in a day early.  So I only had to wait an incredibly long 5 days.  Positive!  Then positive again at 11dp5dt.  And still positive at 18dp5dt.  Then two little beautiful heartbeats at 7w.  And then finally two little gummy bear shaped babies at 9w.  They were pregnant.  Not only were they pregnant, but they were pregnant with twins.  They were further along than they had ever been before.  Going on a little aside here....I have never carried for parents that didn't have their own children first.  It feels different carrying for one type of family vs the other.  I don't know if I would call it pressure or anxiety or what.  I was always nervous for every milestone in every other surro pregnancy, but this one felt like it was amplified somehow.  Like it's in my hands now.  It is up to me to complete the process of making them a mom and dad.  Our first half of pregnancy was smooth.  I went to my appointments, I ate what I wanted, I hung out over the spring and just chilled.  Then it was June 30, 2018 and I was feeling a bit funny. Like a bit crampy.  It was our 19th anniversary and we were going to dinner and selfishly I didn't want to miss it.  So I drank a bunch of water and kept my feet up and talked to the little babies, urging them to be good little babies and not be in such a rush to meet their mommy.  Everything calmed down but at our next ultrasound, I asked them to take a peek at my cervix and just make sure that all was well.  It wasn't.  The cervix had funneled and diminished its way into nothing.  So I immediately had steroids and was told to stay off my feet.  And come back in one week.  The next week was worse!  I was admitted.  Hospital bed rest.  Did I cry?  Yes.  Did I feel like I was failing the parents?  Yes.  Did I want so badly for these babies to arrive healthy?  YES!!!  So I am at the hospital and oddly they aren't really sure what to do with me.  I'm not dilating.  I'm not contracting.  I'm hydrated.  I am sent home a whole two days later.  I am relieved to be free but still can't help the feeling that these babies are excited to be where they belong!  So I continue my prenatal care and every week that passes, my OB and nurses can't believe that I am still pregnant.  I will say that I constantly told them that I was going to make it to my target induction date on September 19.  I can't say that I 100% believed it, but I was convincing them week by week.  Eventually it was time to schedule induction because I was still pregnant and there were no signs of labor.  NONE.  Even my cervix said nope and regenerated.  Or whatever they call it.  September 20, 2018.  What do you know.  We couldn't induce until 38 weeks now.  So that was the day.  The parents were in town.  Grandma and grandpa were on their way.  The labor was easy and babies were very cooperative.  I think that I am going to let the photos do the talking.  Thank you for choosing me to accompany you both on such an important journey.